A Few Helps

I don't know about you, but I hate reading self-help books that take ten chapters to outline the problem and two chapters to offer vague helps that don't come close to actually helping me solve the problem. This frustrates me because my whole purpose in picking up the book was that I already had a pretty good idea of what the problem was -- what I needed was the help!

Yesterday, I took up my friend Lois's challenge to be more honoring of my husband and invited my readers (all five of you, smile!) to do the same. Then I started thinking about the books I've read and the encouragements I've received along the way to change my old feministic (yes, you read that right, I said feministic!) way of thinking.

A month or so ago, I mentioned a Titus 2 women's group that I attend. Last fall when she was exhorting us to be obedient to our husbands (Titus 2:5), our beloved teacher Pamela gave us this checklist to help us measure how "honoring" we really are. I thought I'd pass it along as a possible help:

Obedience Checklist
Do I remember his requests?
Do I make excuses?
Am I seeking to be reverent?
Am I seeking to be helpful?
Do I forget him?
Do I seek to do him good and not evil all of his days?
Do I seek to love him?
Do I seek to bear all things with him?
Do I seek to be hopeful toward him?
Do I treat him as the lord of my home and life?
Am I trustworthy?
Do I withhold myself from him?
Do I roll my eyes at him?
Do I seek to affirm him?
Do I badmouth him anywhere?
Do I murmur in my heart against him?
Do I complain about him to others?
Do I mock him?
Do I listen to him or do I tune him out?
Do I prefer him? Does he know it?
Do I pray for him?
Am I helping him or hindering him?

Yes, a few of these hit me pretty hard, but that's a good thing. Knowing where I am falling short helps me see where I need to grow, what I need to change, and who I need to become. I keep this list in my Bible. At first I was reviewing it every morning and it was a good reminder of where my priorities need to be at the beginning (and end!) of each day. I have to start doing that again.

I also highly recommend three books: The Excellent Wife by Martha Peace, Created to be His Helpmeet by Debi Pearl, and The Proper Care and Feeding of Husbands by Dr. Laura Schlessinger (you can read more on this one here).

And of course, the Bible. The more I'm in God's Word, the more I'm challenged to be the person He wants me to be and strive for the character He wants me to have (amazing how that works, isn't it?).

As wives, we have the awesome privilege of creating the atmosphere in our homes. And I don't mean decorating. One of my favorite pastors used to say, "You can be the thermostat or the thermometer. Do you want to set the tone or do you want to reflect it? The choice is yours."

Distractions

I attend a Titus 2 womens group once a month and our gifted teacher is one of the most Godly women I've ever met. The Spirit of God is evidenced in her very countenance. I am consistently inspired to be the wife and mom God wants me to be through her teaching.

Today I'm sharing a recent email she sent out on distractions. It hit me to the core. If you like what you read, you can subscribe to her email list at LettersToMySisters-subscribe@WeLoveGod.org. There is also a link to her blog on my Blog List.

"Dearest Sisters…
"I have been meaning to write to you for some time now and for whatever reason, each time I begin a letter, I’ve been distracted. I never intend to allow distractions to distract me from doing what I intend to do but distractions come and I allow them to derail me. You probably find this to be true, too. I’m thinking that’s one of the great battles we must determine to fight – or, rather, it’s one of the battles we must determine to win.

"I share this because of all the different things that vie for our attention – many times *good things* vie for our attention and yet, we must determine which distractions to stop and pay attention to and which distractions we must determine to ignore. As mothers, we need to continually assess our priorities – this is not so much so that we’ll be sure and stay on schedule so much as it is that we continually remind ourselves of what we *know* is best or most important. Different seasons allow for different things – but too often, distractions make us dissatisfied about the season we’re in and we’re tempted to run from the season to something that *seems* better.

"It seems that we sometimes live as though have forgotten what’s most important in our lives… we allow distractions to determine our thoughts and actions instead of our thoughts determining which things we’ll stop and pay attention to. In our pursuit of personal accomplishment we might neglect the very responsibilities the LORD has given us – in our pursuit of self interest, we might even be duped into thinking that our personal responsibilities are the distraction. See how our world can get turned upside down? I think this is sort of what Paul was talking about in Romans 7.19 “For the good that I would I do not…”

"It seems to all come down to that battle of the flesh… will I do what is best or what is right? Or, will I do what I seem to want to do at the time? So often we don’t stop and ask those questions… we’re often deep into a “distraction” before we stop and ask ourselves (and with a willingness to stop if need be) the questions.

"Have you written out your priorities lately? I have found a helpful thing to do is to write out all that I ought to be doing each day and then in the next column, write out all that I *am* doing each day. It’s a sometimes painfully obvious picture that I’m not doing what I ought to be doing – a sobering reality that my priorities have shifted and I’ve allowed distractions to determine my actions. I see the damage my distractedness has done – because what should have been done hasn’t been done and what shouldn’t have been done (at the time) has gobbled up my time, energy and resources. Every now and then I need this “wake-up” call to remind me that time’s short and I need to be about the business at hand.

"When priorities are straight, then when *interruptions* come along, we can answer the interruption and then go back to where we’re needed – that place or those things that we have predetermined to attend to. But if we live *distracted* then it’s quite difficult to even find where we ought to be because we’ve allowed distractions to be the rule of the day.

"I pray the LORD will bless you in these days in your home that you will be delighting in the marvelous gift of the life the LORD has prepared especially for you to live.

"God bless you… I’ll write again soon.

"love, pamela"