A Few Helps

I don't know about you, but I hate reading self-help books that take ten chapters to outline the problem and two chapters to offer vague helps that don't come close to actually helping me solve the problem. This frustrates me because my whole purpose in picking up the book was that I already had a pretty good idea of what the problem was -- what I needed was the help!

Yesterday, I took up my friend Lois's challenge to be more honoring of my husband and invited my readers (all five of you, smile!) to do the same. Then I started thinking about the books I've read and the encouragements I've received along the way to change my old feministic (yes, you read that right, I said feministic!) way of thinking.

A month or so ago, I mentioned a Titus 2 women's group that I attend. Last fall when she was exhorting us to be obedient to our husbands (Titus 2:5), our beloved teacher Pamela gave us this checklist to help us measure how "honoring" we really are. I thought I'd pass it along as a possible help:

Obedience Checklist
Do I remember his requests?
Do I make excuses?
Am I seeking to be reverent?
Am I seeking to be helpful?
Do I forget him?
Do I seek to do him good and not evil all of his days?
Do I seek to love him?
Do I seek to bear all things with him?
Do I seek to be hopeful toward him?
Do I treat him as the lord of my home and life?
Am I trustworthy?
Do I withhold myself from him?
Do I roll my eyes at him?
Do I seek to affirm him?
Do I badmouth him anywhere?
Do I murmur in my heart against him?
Do I complain about him to others?
Do I mock him?
Do I listen to him or do I tune him out?
Do I prefer him? Does he know it?
Do I pray for him?
Am I helping him or hindering him?

Yes, a few of these hit me pretty hard, but that's a good thing. Knowing where I am falling short helps me see where I need to grow, what I need to change, and who I need to become. I keep this list in my Bible. At first I was reviewing it every morning and it was a good reminder of where my priorities need to be at the beginning (and end!) of each day. I have to start doing that again.

I also highly recommend three books: The Excellent Wife by Martha Peace, Created to be His Helpmeet by Debi Pearl, and The Proper Care and Feeding of Husbands by Dr. Laura Schlessinger (you can read more on this one here).

And of course, the Bible. The more I'm in God's Word, the more I'm challenged to be the person He wants me to be and strive for the character He wants me to have (amazing how that works, isn't it?).

As wives, we have the awesome privilege of creating the atmosphere in our homes. And I don't mean decorating. One of my favorite pastors used to say, "You can be the thermostat or the thermometer. Do you want to set the tone or do you want to reflect it? The choice is yours."