Christmas is over and I feel like I'm in a mess!
Yes, the house is part of it. All these new THINGS to find a place for. All the little parts and pieces to organize and put away. All the decorations that need to be boxed and stashed until next year. All the needles I'll be vacuuming from that real tree I so desperately needed. Yes, the stuff is getting to me.
But it's more than that. For some reason, Christmas does not bring out the best in me. Maybe it's memories of Christmas disappointments past or the unmet expectations of Christmas present. Maybe it's the strained family relationships that always seem to come into focus this time of year. Maybe it's thinking too much about how it should have been, but wasn't. The baking I didn't get done, the craft projects I didn't finish, and the people we didn't see. I'm not really sure. And I can analyze it to death, but it probably won't help.
The truth is that the mess is me. I can blame it on all the outside circumstances I want, but the circumstances are merely symptomatic of what's inside my heart. I choose my responses and this week they have not been pretty. I have been reacting way too much. My emotions are heightened and I'm giving them too much power.
Oh, I know what I'm supposed to do and how I'm supposed to respond. In fact, in my mind, it's all played out the "right" way. But what actually comes out of my mouth and in my attitude? That's another story! It's easy to determine in a quiet house when everyone is sleeping that it will be a lot easier at the break of day. But the stresses of life will erupt again.
The question that begs answering is: what's spilling out of my cup? If I have poured milk into my daughter's breakfast cup and it gets knocked over, the only thing that can come out of that cup is milk because that's what I put in it. What spills out is what it's filled with. Same with me.
So what's in my cup? Is it Jesus or is it me? If I'm truly filled with the Spirit of my Lord, He's the only thing that can spill out. But when I'm filled with the spirit of Sara, yuck!, it is anything but lovely.
And much too often, I am filled with myself. I am full of self-centerdness and pride. It's my way or the highway around here. And that attitude affects my household. It provokes my husband and unsettles my children. And the whole house gets to be a mess. But guess who started it? Me!
I have so much power in my home. I have the power to build it up and make it a lovely, peaceful place. Or I have the power to tear it down and make it a chaotic, emotional mess. Moment by moment. In every situation.
So as I contemplate the days to come and the new year I am soon to ring in, God is reminding me that I have a choice. I am not a victim of circumstance. I have a decision to make. I don't have to be in a mess. My house doesn't have to be in shambles. Just as I will find places for all the stuff lying around, I have a place to put my heart stuff too.
At the foot of the cross.
I just celebrated the birth of my Savior. Jesus came as a sweet little baby not to stay a baby, but to bear the ugly burden of my ugly sin on an ugly cross. It was anything but sweet. But it was loving. And it was for me.
Christmas 2008 is over, but the story isn't. There is hope for me, and I am so, so thankful.