My dear AJ is in a new "stage." He is keenly aware of the choices he is making. Over and over again he comes to me during the day and says things like, "Mom, I bumped Sigourney when she walked by, but I asked for forgiveness," "Mom, I thought in my mind that I didn't want to clean up the playroom when you asked me to. Please forgive me for having a bad attitude," "Mom, I yelled at Avery because she made a face at me, but I shouldn't have yelled, I should have told her nicely that it hurt my feelings," or "Mom, I really wanted to hit Aiden when he took my army guy, but I didn't. Isn't that good, Mom?"
His conscience seems to be in overdrive and he is constantly confessing. At first it was really sweet and then it became redundant and then I just started to get annoyed because he was doing it so much. I have reminded him that while asking for forgiveness is crucial, he needs to think before he acts and does something he will regret. We have talked about the intentions of his heart and I told him that accidentally bumping into his sister was not sin. I've explained self-control and what it means to have a heart of true repentance. And for the most part, I think he gets it.
But he's still involving me in the process. Coming to me repeatedly and saying, "Mom, I just want to tell you this one thing..." And it seems like he's doing it a hundred times a day!
The other day he came to me when I was in the middle of doing something really important like folding laundry or doing dishes, and I was frustrated by his interruption. Again. I almost said "AJ, you don't have to tell me every single thing you do, every bad thought you have or every mistake you make." But I stopped. Thanks be to God that I stopped.
True, he doesn't need to tell me everything he does. But the principle he's practicing is right on target. And it's really big. If he's developing the habit of telling me what he's dealing with, I need to reinforce it. But I also need to redirect it. It is my responsibility to teach AJ to go to God with all the things he's bringing to me. Every single one of them. I must not help him numb his heart to conviction.
He is obviously discerning the actions and attitudes of his heart. He is coming into an understanding of motivations, manipulations, and well, SIN. Not a popular word, and certainly easy to downplay when talking about a 6 1/2 year old boy. But, he knows his heart, and he is gaining a true understanding of choosing between right and wrong. He knows when he's choosing right and he knows when he's choosing wrong. The Holy Spirit is working in AJ's life. And he wants to talk about it. To me. What an honor!
While AJ still needs to gain an understanding of grace, I have to teach him the difference between true, Godly grace and not just the grace he wants to give himself. I must help him understand that he will fail. But when he does, he has an incredible opportunity to go not only to the person he has offended, but to Almighty God, to confess and then repent and turn away from the behavior.
This needs to be more than just a "stage" that I let my son pass through. I can't think it's cute, or even bothersome, and toss it aside as an "I can't wait until he gets through this thing." This is an opportunity God is giving me as AJ's mom to teach him the basic truths of the Bible. God's plan of redemption. It's foundational and for AJ's sake I have to get it right. Soon enough, he'll pass into the next "stage" and I won't be hearing much about what's going on in his heart...
Which means it needs to be right in my own life. I need to be as aware of my sin as my son is of his so that I can provide an example of holiness. Will I fail? Absolutely. But when I do, I have to be open, humble and honest. I need to seek forgiveness where it is required, truly ask God to change my heart in the weak areas, and receive His grace in the process.
Yes, I need to teach these things to my son. But what is really happening, is that God is using my son to teach me.
If My people who are called by My name will humble themselves, and pray and seek My face, and turn from their wicked ways, then I will hear from heaven, and will forgive their sin and heal their land. 2 Chronicles 7:14