Hold the Calls Please

I loathe the telephone. Okay, maybe loathe is too strong a word...but then again, maybe not. I don't consider the phone a modern convenience; I see it as an intrusion into my daily life. These feelings are more likely related to my current situation, as opposed to actual animosity towards an inanimate object.

As the mother of five children under the age of seven, three of whom are still in diapers, sometimes it's just too hard to pick up before the answering machine does. Sometimes it's too loud and I can't hear the phone. Sometimes I just can't seem to find the phone. And sometimes, the thought of talking to another person is just entirely too overwhelming, so I simply choose to ignore the phone! Perhaps it's because I know I won't possibly be able to get through a conversation without being interrupted a thousand times. But whatever the reason, I long ago concluded that the phone is not my friend!

Now that I've revealed my secret, I have probably alienated half of my friends! But if it is any consolation, I do not have caller id (why would I pay for extra services on a device I don't use much?!), so I am not a respecter of any particular persons. My own husband even has to go through the screening process!

Our answering machine message used to sound something like this: "Hi, you've reached the Somma's. Please leave a message. Thanks." Notice it did not promise a call back. That was not an innocent oversight, it was entirely purposeful.

Several months ago, one of the kids inadvertently deleted that tried and true greeting, so Steve recorded a new one: "Hi, you've reached the Somma's please leave a message and we'll get back to you." When I heard it I panicked!

"Honey, please don't promise we'll call people back. It's just not honest. I can't possibly call everyone back who leaves a message. I have five children at home by myself for fourteen hours a day. I don't have time to call people back, sometimes I just don't want to call people back. Please, please, please don't tell callers I'll get back to them!" I was practically in hysterics trying to make him understand.

So my ever patient and obliging husband walked over to the machine and proceeded to record the following message:

"Hi, you've reached the Somma's. We can't come to the phone right now. We're probably changing diapers, feeding a baby, doing laundry, doing dishes, vacuuming, reading a story, or playing a game. We're probably here though. We just can't get to your call. So if you want to leave a message, please go ahead (chuckle), but you might just want to try again."

He looked at me triumphantly and said, "There, now that's honest!"

That has been our message for the past few months. Those who are most familiar with our life are usually laughing by the time they get to actually leaving their name and reason for calling. I'm sure others are completely annoyed and offended. One thing I do know: those who choose to wait through the whole thing and actually leave a message really want to talk to us!

One of the kids was touching the machine again the other day, and our "honest" message was deleted. We have yet to record a new one. I'm thinking the standard electronic greeting might suit us best for the time being.

Now rather than feeling like they're not being given priority, our callers will simply wonder if they've reached the right house!